The Hidden Skill That Separates Stressed Employees from Resilient Ones
It was 11 PM, and Rajesh was still staring at his laptop screen. His manager had sent feedback on his presentation, “Good effort, but needs more data to support the recommendations.” Rajesh’s mind immediately spiraled: “Good effort? That’s just a polite way of saying it’s terrible. I’ve disappointed the team. Everyone probably thinks I’m incompetent. I should have worked harder. I’m never going to get that promotion now.” He spent the next two hours obsessively revising slides that were already due tomorrow morning, barely sleeping, snapping at his wife when she asked him to come to bed.
The next day, his colleague Priya received similar feedback on her presentation. Her response? “Okay, so I need more data. Let me add those metrics tomorrow. Good to know what’s missing.” She closed her laptop at 6 PM and went for her evening walk.
Same feedback. Two completely different reactions. Two entirely different nights. What made the difference? It wasn’t the situation. It wasn’t even their skill levels; both were equally competent. The difference was in how they thought about the feedback.
Why Some of Us Spiral While Others Stay Steady?
Here’s something most of us don’t realize we’re all wired with a strange duality. We’re capable of being incredibly rational, solving complex problems, making strategic decisions, navigating office politics, and simultaneously being completely irrational, turning a simple email into a personal crisis.
This isn’t a personality flaw. It’s biologically inherent. But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to stay that way. Research in organizational psychology has shown that employees who learn to recognize and challenge their irrational thinking patterns report significantly lower stress levels and higher job satisfaction. A comprehensive review of workplace interventions found that cognitive restructuring techniques, essentially learning to think differently, reduced job stress and improved emotional well-being across diverse professional settings.
Yet, if you’re reading this in India, chances are you’ve never encountered this approach in your organization. While Western companies have been integrating these evidence-based psychological tools into their leadership development and employee wellness programs for decades, Indian workplaces are just beginning to scratch the surface. We’re excellent at importing management frameworks and productivity systems, but we’ve largely overlooked one of the most practical psychological approaches for workplace stress: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, or REBT. (Ellis, as cited in Gladding & Batra, 2018)
The Invisible Script Running in Your Head
Let’s go back to Rajesh for a moment. The feedback he received wasn’t the problem. The problem was the silent conversation happening in his head, what psychologists call “self-talk.”
We all have this internal narrator. It’s constantly interpreting events, making judgments, and creating stories. For Rajesh, the story went something like: “I must be perfect. Anything less than perfect means I’m a failure. And failure is catastrophic.”
We all have this internal narrator. It’s constantly interpreting events, making judgments, and creating stories. For Rajesh, the story went something like: “I must be perfect. Anything less than perfect means I’m a failure. And failure is catastrophic.”
However, the reality of corporate life is things often don’t go exactly as planned. Projects get delayed. Feedback is critical. Promotions don’t come when expected.
Priya’s internal narrator told a different story: “It would be nice if my presentation was perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. Feedback is just information I can use.”
The Indian Context: A Gap We Need to Address
While international research has demonstrated the effectiveness of REBT in reducing workplace stress, improving performance, and enhancing job satisfaction, Indian organizations have been slow to adopt these evidence-based approaches. We have robust data from studies conducted in Iran, Malaysia, and Western countries showing that employees trained in rational thinking techniques experience measurable improvements in stress management and emotional regulation.
But in India? We’re largely working in the dark. We don’t have significant research examining how these tools work within our unique workplace culture, one that often emphasizes hierarchical respect, collective harmony, and high-context communication. We don’t know how to adapt these techniques for employees navigating joint family pressures alongside quarterly targets, or for managers balancing Western management principles with Indian organizational dynamics.
This isn’t just an academic gap. It’s a practical one that affects millions of Indian professionals who are struggling with stress, burnout, and the constant pressure to perform.
Where Do We Go from Here?
The first step is awareness. Recognize that the story your mind tells you about workplace events isn’t objective truth, it’s an interpretation. And interpretations can be questioned.
The second step is practice. Start noticing your “musts” and ‘shoulds’. When you feel disproportionately upset about something at work, pause and ask: ‘What am I telling myself about this situation? Is it rational?’
The third step is cultural adaptation. As Indian organizations begin exploring these tools, we need research and frameworks that honor our workplace realities while still delivering evidence-based results.
Because at the end of the day, the difference between Rajesh’s sleepless night and Priya’s peaceful evening wasn’t about the quality of their work. It was about the way their mind perceived the situation and thought about it. And thinking, unlike events, is something we can actually control.
The question isn’t whether workplace stress exists, it does, and it always will. The question is: are you equipped with the mental tools to handle it rationally? For most Indian professionals, the answer is not yet. And that’s exactly what needs to change.
(And How to Navigate Them)
If you’re reading this and thinking, “This makes sense, I’ll just start thinking more rationally,” there’s something you need to know: your mind will resist. Not because you’re weak or incapable, but because changing thought patterns is harder than it sounds. But why? Why is change or transformation always so difficult? Be it in our thought patterns or actions. Because our ways of thinking in familiar to our mind. Our mind finds comfort in the known. Regardless, whether it’s beneficial for our well-being or not. And, when we try to change into something, our mind resists. Because the territory of change is unfamiliar. But sooner or later it becomes familiar to us if we keep persisting.
Now let’s talk about the real barriers you’ll face, and practical ways to work through them.
1. The “But This Time It Really IS That Bad” Trap
Your mind is excellent at convincing you that this situation is different. Sure, you’ve overreacted to feedback before, but this time? This time your manager’s tone definitely meant disappointment. This project failure definitely will ruin your career. This is your brain’s way of protecting the familiar narrative. It feels safer to catastrophize than to challenge long-held beliefs about yourself and work.
How to tackle it: Keep a “reality check log.” When you’re convinced something is catastrophic, write down your prediction. Then, a week later, check what actually happened. You’ll start noticing a pattern: your catastrophic predictions rarely come true. This builds evidence against your irrational thoughts, making them easier to dispute in the moment.
2. The Emotional Override
You can know intellectually that your thinking is irrational, but when anxiety hits, logic goes out the window, and the amygdala takes charge. (Turner & colleagues, 2009) Your heart races, your palms sweat, and suddenly all the rational arguments feel meaningless compared to the intensity of what you’re feeling.
Emotions are powerful. They feel like truth. When you’re panicking about a presentation, “It’s just feedback” sounds hollow, even if it’s accurate.
Sometimes, though, it’s not just anxiety. It’s a deeper sense of unsafety, the feeling that something bad will happen if you don’t fix this right now. When your body senses threat, it’s not interested in logic or perspective; it’s focused purely on survival. In that state, “take a few deep breaths” can feel like someone asking you to calm down while the house is on fire.
How to tackle it: Don’t fight the emotion; first, acknowledge what it’s trying to protect. Say to yourself, “My mind is reacting like this is danger. It’s not danger, it’s discomfort.” This single sentence helps your nervous system reorient from panic to perspective.
Then, instead of trying to argue with your thoughts immediately, create safety first. Remind yourself of grounding truths:
- “I’ve handled difficult moments before.”
- “This is feedback, not failure.”
- “Nothing is attacking me right now.”
These are not feel-good affirmations; they are reality checks. They help you move from unsafe to safe enough to think clearly again.
You can also use your body to restore safety. Press your feet firmly into the ground, name five things you can see, or run your hands under cold water, anything that brings your attention back to the present moment. Once your body settles, then question the irrational thought.
Trying to reason with yourself while your brain believes you’re under threat rarely works. But once safety is restored, even slightly, logic returns, and so does your ability to respond rationally.
3. Cultural and Social Conditioning
In many Indian workplaces, questioning authority or reframing criticism can feel culturally inappropriate. We’re conditioned to respect hierarchy, avoid confrontation, and internalize feedback as personal judgment rather than professional guidance.
When your manager gives critical feedback, it doesn’t just trigger “I failed at this task”, it can trigger “I’ve disappointed someone I should respect, which reflects badly on my family, my education, and my worth as a person.”
How to tackle it: Recognize that rational thinking isn’t about disrespecting authority or dismissing feedback. It’s about separating the professional task from your personal worth. You can deeply respect your manager and recognize that their feedback is about the work, not your value as a person. Practice the distinction: “My manager’s feedback means this presentation needs improvement” versus “My manager’s feedback means I’m inadequate.” Same feedback, different interpretation.
4. The Consistency Challenge
You might successfully dispute an irrational thought on Tuesday, but by Thursday, faced with a different stressor, you’re right back in the spiral. This inconsistency can feel discouraging. “Why isn’t this working? I should be better at this by now.”
(Notice the irrational thought? “I should be better.” There it is again.)
How to tackle it: Think of this like building a muscle. You wouldn’t expect to do one workout and be permanently fit. Each time you catch and challenge an irrational thought, you’re strengthening your rational thinking muscle. Some days will be easier than others. Some triggers will be harder to manage. That’s not failure; that’s the process. Keep a small win journal note every time you successfully challenged a thought, no matter how small. Progress isn’t linear, but it is cumulative.
5. The Isolation Factor
Most people around you are operating on autopilot with their irrational beliefs. When everyone in your team is catastrophizing about the quarterly review, your rational response might feel lonely or even be met with resistance. “Why aren’t you stressed? Don’t you care?”
How to tackle it: Find your people. Even one colleague or friend who understands this approach can make a huge difference. Share what you’re learning. You might be surprised how many people are struggling with the same irrational patterns and are relieved to have a framework for understanding them. And if you can’t find support at work, seek it elsewhere, online communities, professional groups, or even a coach or therapist trained in REBT.
The Bottom Line
Changing how you think isn’t a one-time decision; it’s a practice. The barriers are real, but they’re not insurmountable. Every time you pause and question an irrational thought, you’re rewiring your brain. Every time you choose a rational response over an automatic spiral, you’re building resilience. It won’t always work perfectly. But it will work more often than not, and that makes all the difference.
If You Want to Read More
If you’d like to explore how Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) has been applied in organizational and workplace settings around the world, here are some research articles and reviews that have examined its impact on stress, burnout, and professional well-being:
- Ugwoke, S. C., et al. (2018).
A rational-emotive stress management intervention for reducing job-related burnout and distress among special education teachers. Medicine (Baltimore). Ene, C. U., et al. (2021).
Effects of rational-emotive occupational health coaching on the management of work stress among academic staff.
Journal of Occupational Health Psychology.- Okeke, F. C., et al. (2021).
A blended rational emotive occupational health coaching intervention for reducing occupational stress among teachers. Occupational Health Coaching Journal.
Read on ScienceDirect - Ogbuanya, T. C., et al. (2017).
Effects of rational emotive occupational health therapy intervention on perceptions of organizational climate and occupational risk management practices. Journal of Occupational Health and Safety Research.
View on PubMed Central - Sherin, J., & Caiger, L. (2004).
Rational-emotive behavior therapy: A behavioral change model for executive coaching?
Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 56, 225–233.
Access via APA PsycNet - King, A. M., et al. (2024).
A systematic review of the nature and efficacy of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy interventions. PLOS ONE.
Read the full systematic review
References
- Gladding, S. T.& Batra, P. (2018). Counseling: A comprehensive profession (8th ed.). Pearson
Education India. - Turner, J. G., Anderson, B., & Johnson, P. (2009). A review of adversity, the amygdala and the hippocampus. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 3, 68.
https://doi.org/10.3389/neuro.09.068.2009